Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Real Deal

Do you ever feel like you are lost? Not physically lost..but you know not sure where the old you is? I have been feeling that often lately. I thought it was because my house is a mess. Nothing new there. Because I fat.....nothing new there either! Because I am so busy.....nope not new! OK so you see the problem. If there is no new issue then where am I?
Funny it took a trip to my favorite thinking spot to figure it out. As I sat on the beach watching the waves I realized I had been slipping. Becoming a person I don't like. The girl who worries what others think about how she looks. Who is concerned about her messy house more then concerned for their friend who is ill. Who is insecure and unhappy. This is not the real me!
So, as I sat watching my son learn to surf I noticed a lady taking pictures of her son learning to surf. She had the grown-up version of my camera, with a butt kicking zoom lens! I walked over to ask her about her camera and lens. She said "here try my other lens see if you like it". Who does that? A $900 lens I feel the need to point out. Well I loved it and her. I visited with her awhile and was reminded of the old me. The one who liked who she was. The one who was generous with others.
It started me thinking about a few questions.
1. Who am I now?
2. Who do I want to be?
3. What made me forget in the first place?
I know that I am first and foremost, a child of God. I know that He loves me. This without a doubt I know. Then if God made me and thought I was good why do I not act that way? I am strong, healthy, smart, and sometimes even fun. I want to be more. I want to be less concerned with my fat and more concerned with my heart. I want to be the person who sees others in need and responds. I want to be the person who keeps my unkind thoughts to myself and one day to not have them at all! Why did I get so off track? Well frankly I struggle to be my authentic self here. I am not overly concerned with having a perfect house, car, clothes or furniture. That is not the norm here. I found myself getting in stuck in the mire. No more. Holly the cute picture taker helped me see that. Not through any conversation but rather just by watching her.
Now about the picture....Holly took this of me while I was gathering shells with Morgan and Trevor, my nephew. First I am always the one taking the pictures. Second in case you didn't notice...I am wearing a swimsuit. Third I am actually posting it. So try not to focus so much on how I look and instead look past that to what I am doing; enjoying my family! This is who I am. The real me. I am going to try to remember that more fully!


Sarah R. said...

Good luck on your quest. I love the picture!

Wendy said...

I love you, Trisha! You say exactly what I feel - so often. Thank you for sharing this post. I know what you mean when you feel like you're off-track or lost. It's a constant game of re-evaluating, re-prioritizing, re-connecting with spiritual things. A book that I LOVE that addresses these issues is, "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis. It's letters written back and forth between a "head" devil and a "new" devil. He's telling the younger devil the best ways to tempt, distract, and make people withdraw from God. It is AMAZING how easily we're distracted, swayed and made to lose sight of what's important. Read it when you get a minute. It's quite eye-opening. Anyways, you're awesome and I wish you lived closer again. But keep posting - you're an inspiration!

Jeni said...

Your post made my cry. If we could all be that honest and focus on the things that really matter the world would be a more beautiful place. I love your words. Thanks for sharing and making me realize what is really important. Beautiful photo. You are amazing!

D and M Welling Family said...


I love you how you are now so I can hardly wait to see the 'real you'. Ha. Just keep on keepin' on!

Sara's Memoirs said...

yep, i knew it. i love YOU! you are an amazing lady.thanks for your post. it made me cry. you said it perfectly and im so thankful you shared it. i guess its true, what you focus on, grows. heres to focusing on ALL that is FABULOUS. xoxo